A Year of Mama

I feel the nostalgia hit as I pack away another batch of my baby’s clothes that no longer fit him. With each item of clothing, it’s almost as if I’m packing away the memories that come with it. Feeling a bit of sadness each time another round of clothes no longer fit, solidifying the fact that my baby is growing up.

I guess my baby isn’t much of a baby anymore. What used to be a little blob is now a walking, talking, expressive little human. The little rolls of baby fat suddenly thinning out and how he fearlessly explores the world around him, just reminds me of how much he’s grown…and I guess how much I have too.

As I reflect on my first year of motherhood (it’s actually been a little over a year by now because time really does fly) the best word I would use to describe it is transformative.

Becoming a mom has changed every fiber of my being. It has brought a new sense of meaning and purpose to my life. Even though there are days when I don’t feel the greatest as a mom, I know that deep down that this is what I was put on this earth to do.

The day my son was born also marked the rebirth of myself. The journey to discovering more pieces of yourself while becoming a new version of you is a process! Motherhood has challenged me in ways I never thought it would. I’ve faced my highest highs and lowest lows, but it has only made me more resilient.

Looking back, it’s kind of crazy how far we’ve come. While pregnant, I constantly wondered what kind of mom I would be. Would I be strict or care-free? Have everything planned out or be more go-with-the-flow?

Throughout the first year, I’ve had to discover that for myself and my evolution as a mom was definitely not the smoothest.

I felt a lot of uncertainty and overwhelm while figuring out motherhood. Like most first-time parents, Google was my go-to for everything. The endless search for answers from “how to swaddle a baby” to “is my baby’s poop normal?” became a daily occurrence. I thought it would easy my nerves by learning as much as I could and taking in all the information.

If I was doing what I was told to do, everything would be okay, right?

Nope! Trying to do everything I should be doing only led to exhaustion and burnout. Trying to remember everything, when I was already struggling with mommy brain, was nearly impossible.

I realized that there will always be an opinion on something, but what they don’t know is your own unique circumstances, you own individual needs and your own baby. Although it may not come instantly, learning to trust my instincts and tune out the noise was one of the best things I did for myself as a new mom.

After ignoring that voice in my head for years (oh hello there again!), I learned to start listening to it and trusting myself more.

Just as I thought I was getting adjusted to motherhood and out of the fog, the end of my maternity leave was looming in the upcoming days. Which reminded me just when you have a schedule or routine down, it changes, and you’re left figuring out something else. I guess it’s a way to keep us on our toes.

My first week back was a mess, constantly split between wanting to give my all at work and at home. I only felt more overwhelmed and anxious. Learning to prioritize, delegate and find my flow helped me to survive as a working mom.

I think the first year of motherhood brought more challenges than any other year and a lot of trial and error, but we’ve always adjusted, learned and grew together.

Throughout this year we experienced many first - first smile, first laugh, first steps. With a baby, it’s almost as if I get to experience life again through a new lens. When you stop to feel the rain on your skin or the sand between your toes, it slows down time and allows you to live in the present moment.

Instead of living on autopilot where we’re constantly moving onto the next thing, remember to take the time to focus on what you’re doing at the moment. Slowing down creates more time for the things that are important, showing up and genuine connection.

Everyday I see my son grow into more of a little human. Able to be a little more independent, expressing his likes (and definitely his dislikes) and showing me more of his vibrant personality - it never fails to surprise me!

Never have I ever experienced so many moments filled with joy, love, and bittersweetness. The rush of joy when we’re dancing to music, the fullness of my heart every time he hugs me back and the tugging on it as he pulls away. Wondering when it will be the last time I get to rock him to sleep, and deciding to hold on for just a little longer to savor the moment.

Letting go and watching them take steps into the world is difficult, but seeing them fly is just as fulfilling. With each goodbye comes a new season. Perhaps what the hardest part is, is trusting yourself. Trusting that you’ve done everything you could do to equip them with what they need to thrive.

I know that each year he’ll want to venture further from the nest, but our love will still be there. A love and connection that transcends distance and time.

This journey, although not the smoothest one, is one that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to experience more seasons of toddlerhood. More change, adjusting and adding more to what I learned from my first year as a mom and growing together.

Every day I chose to find the beauty in the joyful, messy, yet fulfilling role called mom and I’m so grateful I get to be someone’s mama.

Let me know if there’s anything that you’ve learned, discovered or cherished in your past year of motherhood. Thank you for reading!